I am disgusted with the rodent I wrote so lovingly about earlier this week. I was assured, by his remarkably shadow-free self, that spring would arrive six weeks early. When I awoke on the days immediately following Feb. 2 – the day of said rodents fame- to 60 degree weather and sunshine, I was overjoyed. The rodent – at last – was going for the win and winter was to be no more. I couldn’t wait to shout from the rooftops about the winter that never was and never would be. I could practically smell the flowers and feel the days getting longer.

Then this happened:

What gives rodent? I thought we had a deal. You didn’t see your shadow. I started to prepare for spring. Less than 48 hours after you started spouting your lies, I am slammed – unexpectedly I may add – with not 1-3 inches of light, fluffy snow as the weather man first informed me at 3 a.m. this morning, but over a foot of wet, heavy muck. The kind that causes power outages and annoyance. Oh, and did I mention that I had to drive to work today in the height of the falling blech ?

Worse. In a fit of kindness, I dragged my sorry half century year old butt out the door last night to refill the bird feeders for my sweet friends, and I awoke to YOUR KIND – eating said food. The audacity! The horror! Oh, before you get your panties in a bunch, I know it wasn’t an actual groundhog eating my bird food, but I’m guessing there is at least one squirrel in your family tree.

Before you start arguing about how happy my kids are…Yes, they’re happy. First snow day of the season today. What do they have to complain about? Me? I drove 45 minutes to an office 20 minutes away only to be left sitting in the dark for over an hour while the power lines were restored. Not the greatest way to spend a Friday. I blame you rodent. You and your gnarly little teeth likely chewed through the wires just to irritate me.

It’s on rodent. You and me – we’re not going to continue to get along. I never could figure out how you managed to amass such a following, nor could I understand how it was possible for you to miss your shadow with all of the lights from the paparazzi and the selfies you posted all over social media. I should have known a narcissistic rodent would lie. You gaslighted me too – how unconventional! How rude! You led me down the garden path believing we were friends and then WHAM, you hit me with this:

Not even a simple, “I’m sorry.” Nope, just a simple sign and 13 blasted inches of the white stuff to contend with – yuk! Lucky for you, the crazy one is still my friend, and she is wildly in love with your error. I’m pretty sure I heard her singing – singing for criminy sake – who sings about snow?  She even posted pictures of her buried car and house as though it was cause for celebration. GAH!

There is clearly only one answer, and you, my dear rodent, are not going to like it. His name is Tigger and he has a tail and whiskers and I am leaving on snowshoes with no guilt – may as well join them if you can’t beat them.

You’re on your own rodent man. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.