Hear Ye! Hear Ye!!! Let it be known that on this day, Monday January 25, 2016 King Cluck is to be removed from power by known other than the As Yet Unnamed Junior Cluck. It is with a heavy heart that I announce Cluck has lost his throne to a younger man. Some may say these hens are nothing short of cougars, but that would be wrong; mainly because cougars are cats not birds!!

 

King Cluck’s reign began on a warm day in May of 2014 when the folks from Klem’s accidentally placed him in a box full of hens. The humans had requested 12 hens for the upcoming season of rebirth and accidentally got Cluck mixed in – one might wonder how this happens, but it’s a subject that he’s not interested in discussing. It’s believed to be an issue of – ahem – size at birth that makes distinguishing gender a bit harder.

On this day, Cluck did not know that his reign was to be a fantastic one. He came to town with 11 hens to call his very own. Better, his gender of origin was unknown until well into his sixteenth week when he found his very loud, obnoxious voice while residing in the newborn box with the hens. What the heck, the humans thought – this could be fun.

Soon, Cluck and all 11 hens were sent outside to take up residence in their brandy – new – lovingly – designed – by- the – husband coop. Cluck could not have been happier. By day, he had 11 hens following him around listening to his every word and preparing to become his harem. They tried to emulate his strut. They never left his side, and when a certain – ahem – urge – kicked in he had not one, not two but 11 lucky ladies to choose from. Granted, he often picked all 11 within an hour, but that was his right. He was KING!!!

It was a glorious time full of bugs, birdseed that fell from the feeders and more hens than he could play with in a day – what more could a guy want? To be fair, the King was a great defender. All 12 birds (counting Cluck) survived and thrived- despite the regular warnings to get double the birds we wanted to end up with – for over a year. To Cluck went all the spoils. He strutted.  He crowed. He was a happy bird.

Fast forward six months to the spring of 2015. The humans got a phone call from the local elementary school noting that they had just completed their chick segment. A yearly event that normally yields 10 to 12 birds and they had – ready – 96 birds in search of homes. Seems the perfect storm occurred in the incubators in those classrooms as the storms swirled one after the other on the outside, these birds had committed themselves to repopulating the world. The real reason for the call…could Cluck’s humans commit to 6?

Naturally, the humans said yes. Within days the six white hens had taken up residence in Cluck and the girls indoor home. They lived and grew happily for 16 weeks before being sent outside to join the “big coop.” Within a week, one bird had been decapitated by its’ own stupidity – walked under a board the second the llama tripped over it sending it crashing upon the bird’s tiny neck. Four more lost their lives to a new neighbor dog who had discovered the taste of chicken. This left but one lonely hen hoping to join the party.

Here’s the problem – the hen started hanging with Cluck. How cute the humans thought. Henrietta – Cluck’s main squeeze – disagreed. Soon Cluck was embattled in what can only be termed a cat fight until the cat turned into a Cock. This was discovered one day when the two bird “cats” were fighting and the white “cat” started to crow. At least, we think it was supposed to be a crow. Took nearly 8 weeks longer and a Rosetta Stone class to know for sure, but yup, this was a crowing cat – HUH!

Having been told two cocks would never share a walk, the humans panicked. This was unnecessary as all was going along swimmingly until one day when Cluck was discovered atop a hay bale alone and the hens were swarming As Yet Unnamed Cluck Junior. What had happened? Where was the strut? The crow? The unlimited supply of women? Cluck was cowering like a – well – chicken – GASP!

It took a while to accumulate the evidence. But here is what we now know. In the late afternoon of a glorious fall day the dog with the taste for chicken stumbled blindly and furiously into the humans’ yard. The dog immediately raided the coop and grabbed Henrietta. Cluck dashed to her rescue and got the dog to drop Henrietta in trade for himself – not sure what those negotiations must have sounded like. It was a few hours later when the humans returned home and found feathers and pieces of Cluck strewn across the driveway. A funeral needed to be prepared, but first the body needed to be found. The human’s followed the path, and there, under a blueberry bush lay Cluck breathing shallowly, but very much alive. Unfortunately, there were parts missing – brain parts that allowed him to believe he was immortal- parts that he needed to remain top bird. Parts that the hens knew made him King. He wished himself dead knowing what was coming.

It took As Yet Unnamed Junior Cluck about 20 seconds to secure his place as King – and Cluck has been forever removed from the flock forced to receive handouts from the humans to remain hydrated and fed. It’s a sad state. By day, Cluck hangs alone with Henrietta and by night, he sleeps alone. Meanwhile As Yet Unnamed Junior Cluck has happily taken up residence as King of the flock at least until these guys come of age next Monday…